those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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