dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
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She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
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I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful