every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.