Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming