well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
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WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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