The beer is more important than you right now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
