I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
