rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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