No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My hand turned me down
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
