fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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