Pants 0. Shit 1.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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