just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My feet surprised me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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