Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He kissed a someone with a penis
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
