he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can't turn off my feet"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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