The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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