Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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