Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
