My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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