you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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