Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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