4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
