it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.