I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
