Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
