I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize