awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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