Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
