I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
third nipple confirmed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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