And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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