I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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