I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
