God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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