I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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