It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Small penises have feelings too.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need moral support for this bender
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
