Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
