Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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