She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just blew my weed a kiss
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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