i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize