i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
