3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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