How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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