fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
