we have officially mastered the walk of shame
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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