Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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