When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
