remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize