Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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