Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
