I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize