Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
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is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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