Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
