I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
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Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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