so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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